


INSIDE YOUR MIND

by WhenIFindLoveAgain



Category: (여자)아이들 | (G)I-DLE
Genre: Affairs, Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Break Up, Break Up Talk, Cheating, Classical Music, Crying, Dating, Established Relationship, F/F, F/M, Grief/Mourning, Heartache, Heartbeats, Heartbreak, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Love, Marriage Proposal, Music, Musicians, Post-Break Up, Psychologists & Psychiatrists, Sad, Sad with a Happy Ending, Secret Relationship, Weddings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-10
Updated: 2020-11-10
Packaged: 2021-03-09 03:53:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,738
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27488401
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WhenIFindLoveAgain/pseuds/WhenIFindLoveAgain
Summary: Soojin, a clinical psychologist, has a part-time lover in Shuhua, the girlfriend of a British rock star. But, when the rock stars reveals his new love for a new girl in a song, the heartbroken Shuhua is driven to Soojins house where she explodes in complete grief and heartache about her former partner.Sad but with happy ending
Relationships: Seo Soojin/Yeh Shuhua
Kudos: 29





	INSIDE YOUR MIND

"You are manic." Soojin told Shuhua, fear strangling her heart and gut at the sight before her.

"Yes, unnie, I know." Shuhua answered softly, swaying side to side gently.

"No, seriously, you are fucking manic." Soojin's fear made her snap, her fingers creeping up her throat to cover her mouth as the shock and the fear in her system made her want to scream.

Soojin looked up at Shuhua dancing in her black lace bra bra, a black leather mini-skirt with a gold zip at the front, fishnet stockings, and high-heeled doc marten boots on their kitchen island that could be used to sit twelve people and prepare enough food for two hundred. Shuhua's eye-make-up was smudged around her eyes from where she had obviously cried, and, her lipstick was smudged around her mouth.

But what grabbed Soojin most was the baseball bat she weilded delicately over her shoulder as a broken-up record by Rita Pavone played on a too-old-to-be-used phonograph by the edge of the kitchen island on the south end. As Soojin's last testament of Shuhua's mind rang out clear in the air, the distinctively bizarre tones of the Italian singer came to an end. All they were left with was silence.

"I could hear her moaning in the music." Shuhua told her part-time lover, who was also a clinical psychologist.

"What?" Soojin looked at Shuhua.

"You know, Danny, my boyfriend?" Shuhua was in another place, sightless, in the whole space.

Soojin nodded gently, trying to keep a professional judgement - the only course of action when Shuhua lost her head every six months or so - and tried to ignore the painful twist of her gut at the mention of Shuhua's half-chinese long-term partner's name. Danny's other half was British, and, with that, he was the lead singer in a rock band that was to go down in modern times as one of the most iconic to hit the world since the phases of the 60's, 70's and 80's.

"This new girl he wants, her name is Tessa," Shuhua giggled softly, and, it made Soojin's heart ache. "He made a new bit of music all about her, and, about a minute thirty-six seconds in to a new song he has made and released to all the world - already about sixteen million people have seen it since this morning and I saw it only a little while ago - it's got her moaning in it. Love moaning, more than sex moaning, and, it's reverbed a bit, but, I know what it is. I could hear the sound coming out of his chest...then been focused in on by all the guys on their twitter...who did the interviews with him for all those..." Shuhua seemed to lose her words for a moment. "...Magazines in Europe." She finished softly, but, it seemed more like she was adding a statement to correct words just before. One of Soojin's hands pressed over her mouth.

Any distress or disconcertion that Soojin had felt to see her part-time lover like this when she had first come home to see Shuhua in the dark house, the only lights the odd strand of fey lights that Soojin had around the kitchen from her sister's birthday party a week ago - still not packed away yet - illuminated.

"You know what it's like?" Shuhua ran a hand through her hair. Softly, she made animalistic, melodic vocalizations, the most gentle, "ah-ooh" sounds, but, even Soojin herself couldn't escape from the naturalistic, lustful pull of paganism that they gave. Soojin's hand pressed even tighter over her mouth. She couldn't cry, not now. "It comes so loudly from him..." Shuhua crouched down onto the kitchen island, the baseball bat over her shoulder. "I wanted to go and..." Shuhua's vision, clearly to Soojin's sight even though Soojin was a good twelve feet away from her, slid out of focus, but, righted itself ten seconds later. "But, suddenly, it was so beautiful." Shuhua continued. Soojin was even further devestated by the intensity of the ten seconds where Shuhua had seemed unconcious. "This euphoria, this sound...I loved him...and how much she means to him that he makes something like that...that made me dance in the streets..." Two weighted tears rolled down Shuhua's face. Soojin listened, but, she only just stopped herself from crying also.

Shuhua's eyes were glazed over disturbedly and wetly, but, Soojin knew it was just caused by heartache, and, soon, they slid over to rest on Soojin. 

"So, that's that." Shuhua whispered, and, with her words, came an end.

It was still dark, the only light from the odd strand of fey light.

Soojin shook as Shuhua, now as though nothing had happened but showing every sign physically that something had put the baseball bat on the bench, and, went over to the phonograph, carefully taking out the Rita Pavone record and slipping it back into it's cover.

"Shuhua, darling, come here." Soojin said. Shuhua's head twisted around to look at her. Soojin held out her arms coaxingly, nodding her head, but her chin crumpled as her mouth twisted upside down, and, agonized tears poured down from her eyes. Shuhua slowly went over to her, and, stepped into Soojin's arms with the awkward grace of an infant deer.

"Hey, Soojie, it's ok." Shuhua murmured softly to Soojin, patting Soojin's hair, as though all of Shuhua's pain had been Soojin's. "It's ok, baby..."

And, even though it was the other way around, Soojin clung to Shuhua as though she was a lifeline, and, for the rest of the night and the next morning, it was Shuhua who took care of Soojin, like nothing had ever happened at all. 

Almost a testament to the fact, when Soojin woke up the next morning, Shuhua was already coming up the stairs with a mug of tea for her. Soojin saw that Shuhua was wearing one of her dresses, a loose, a-line linen one with no sleeves that was still expensive, all of Soojin's clothes were hand-made, but not one of the more formal ones. Soojin saw that Shuhua wasn't wearing a bra by the way her small breasts hung beneath the linen and, if Soojin looked hard enough, she could see the shape of Shuhua's nipples. Shuhua had her hair pinned up loosely and prettily, and, Soojin could tell that Shuhua had had a shower.

Shuhua smelt like her.

"Hey, love." Shuhua's fingertips traced over Soojin's temple as she kissed the other woman's head. Shuhua put the tea on Soojin's bedside table, and, with another kiss on her head, Shuhua went back downstairs and let Soojin be amongst her ironed white-linens of her bed with her dark hair fanned out against the pillows. Soojin closed her eyes again, feeling that with Shuhua, her brain became a walnut, and, then, a walnut halved. One half of her brain the world she lived in, expectations, reality, society, perception, belief, and, then, the other half was devoted to Shuhua who was made part-time by the first half of her brain. But, Soojin knew, that the Shuhua half of her brain made her realize how fake the first half was, and, as a consequence, when Shuhua was around, the first half of Soojin's brain rotted away. It could not live when Shuhua was around, for, Shuhua had more life in her than the clinical world Soojin existed in would, and, unlike the first half of Soojin's brain, the second half, the Shuhua half, was full of love.

Loving, indulgent, tolerant, desperate, wanton, happy, so, so, so, ludicrously happy. 

Soojin sat herself up in bed and drank some of the tea. Strong black English breakfast tea. Two sugars.

How Soojin liked it.

Don't push out someone who loves you so much, a voice in the back of her mind echoed. You would have lost it too if you had Danny in your life doing this.

But, Soojin couldn't stop the thought of, Would I really have done something like that, though?

Soojin showered, and, fought against herself to not linger under the hot water. She put her make-up on and did her straightened her hair, putting on a 1940's style pant-suit, one of her favourites, in oat-meal toned wool, with a jersey-cotton long-sleeved top with a round-cut neck. Soojin left off the jacket but put on her high-heel boots with the leather belt of her trousers tight around her small waist, going downstairs. She found Shuhua curled up in a ball, asleep, in one corner of the chesterfield sofa, looking so cleansed and pale and innocent, a woman of earth and nature, instead of something in a clinical world like Soojin. Soojin though she still kept a part herself with handmade garments that screamed of her soul and her jewelry, the home she lived in and the people she held in her life. It made her different from her colleagues, cold and tax-evading, ultimately mentally disturbed themselves, and, yet, given the liscence to delve into the minds of mentally-ill people.

"Would you live with me?" Soojin asked. Her question woke up Shuhua. Shuhua straightened up to look at Soojin over the back of the chesterfield sofa, her pale hand grazing over it gently in a grip, looking at Soojin who was standing to one side of the large sitting room with the mug of tea Shuhua made her held between her two hands. "I don't want to be alone."

She and Shuhua gazed at one another.

"Why don't we just get married?" Shuhua asked Soojin, a question in turned.

The two women gazed at each other. 

Soojin slowly got to the hardwood floor of the sitting room, and, laid down, putting the mug full of tea to one side carefully. Her long hair got caught beneath her back, so, she moved a wrist under her hair by her neck to pull it out from beneath her so it laid across the floor above her. Shuhua, bare-foot, padded across the sitting room from the chesterfield to lay down with Soojin, to lay down on top of her, Shuhua's head nestled on her chest. Soojin wrapped her arms around Shuhua. 

"Yes." Soojin said, in full, heartbreaking honesty, and, as he heart swelled up, two tears leaked out of the outer corner of her eyes, streaking down her temples into her hair, leaving dark-brown kohl marks in their wake.

Yes.

How nice it would be...for Shuhua to be her wife.

**Author's Note:**

> This is quite sad at the beginning, but, more than that, it's raw, and, it shows an insight into us when we are so damaged, so heartbroken, that we lose all control of ourselves, and, for a brief time, lose ourselves. It has a happy ending, I promise. Tell me what you think <3


End file.
